Friendship…
I had an appointment yesterday with a special friend. While we were talking a topic came up which made me really think about how some people find it very difficult to make friends as they get older.
Cycle of life…
Let’s face it, our lives change. Like the seasons, we find ourselves having to adapt to the various circumstances thrown at us throughout our lives.
Primary School.,,,
From the very beginning of our educational process we had to leave the comfort of home and assured love, to enter a foreign situation. But before too long, we adapted, made friends and by the time high school came along, we were happy and confident.
High School…
Once again we faced the ‘little fish in the big pool’ syndrome. Fears and lack of confidence made the first few years a time of over reacting to the unfamiliar. Then the hormones set in and produced a further set of complications. There were richer kids with everything who seemed to have it all and there were poorer kids who had to fight to keep their own identity and still compete and thrive in a difficult environment. But most of them managed and settled down to compete and complete their education.
Work…
The introduction into a workplace is not easy after being a student. Immediately you are cast into a role that no one can prepare you for, and it is a “sink or swim” situation that is going to dictate how your next 40 years are going to be!
Retirement.
Within the proverbial ‘blink of an eye’ you find yourself at the end of your working life. The initial feeling of euphoria doesn’t last long as you discover that, once again, you are out of your depth. A new start to a life without structure, sometimes, without friends, but so much time on your hands that panic can set in.
Feeling vulnerable and alone…
Sadly, by this time the family that played such an important part in your life during the previous decades has moved on. Hopefully they are married, busy with their own cycle of life, living in different towns – maybe even on other continents!
Work friends might still be employed or might not be in a position to continue relationships with you due to their busy lives.
What can you do when you find yourself in this situation? By becoming more active in the community you will definitely meet more people in similar situations to yourself.
Keeping yourself active during retirement…
Below I am suggesting a few of them.
- The SPCA is constantly looking for willing helpers. They have charity shops that need to be staffed. They have a ‘dog walking group’ that operate from their site each week where you can meet, walk the dogs and meet fellow folk who obviously love animals and might well be looking for other like minded people to talk to. Go out to coffee with them. Ask them to bring a friend or two to join you. Telephone. 031 904 2424.
- Bobbi Bear is another charity that you might think of helping. This group might not need you to actively help in the home, but you could get involved in food collections or money drives. Telephone 031 903 2424
- The Elder’s voice. They are an elderly community upliftment initiative who find homes for those older folk who find themselves in a hard place financially. Visit the oldies there and take them some comfort and a box of biscuits. 079 028 6379
- CCPO – although not a charity – a worthy cause to try to get involved in, to make money to keep this amazing company in business. The more people who support them, the more security people will be on our streets and the safer we all will be. I have seen them doing drives to promote their cause. You will meet other like minded people there! 031 903 7037
- WI – Womens Institute, they meet once a month where you can join with other women who want to keep abreast regarding different topics. They often have guest speakers and they promote hand craft work, garden topics and art. The club meets at 9:15 on the second Wednesday of each month.
- The Upper South Coast Art Club meets at the Amanzimtoti library at 13:30 on the third Saturday of each month. Visitors are welcome and there is a R25 entrance fee for non members which includes tea.
These are just a few examples of how to get to know people.
As William Butler Yeats wrote,
‘There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met’
While all the options are out there, and these are only a small handful shown, it is actually your responsibility to make yourself available to smile at strangers, talk to them in the queues as you wait in the bank, join a gym, accept every invitation given to you and embrace the last of your big challenges of life.
You do not have to be alone as you age, it is your choice to be, if you are.
My son, Brett’s partner, Amor, has the most wonderful saying. Her saying relates to seeds and cuttings of plants…
“I just need one”….. one seed is all it takes to start propagating a field full of flowers or plants. So let’s use this analogy with friendship too.
We just need one…
Future ideas…
Please fill out the comment section below should you have any further topics that you would like to read about.
